everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
