I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
