just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
