Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
