did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
