How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
