so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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