I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
