We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
