Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
