Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
