She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
