ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
