My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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