whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
