It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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