I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize