I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
