ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
