Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
