fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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