insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she peed on how many people?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
