i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
