Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
