Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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