just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
