D3 body, D1 cock
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
