i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
