Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
