so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
