so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
