can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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