epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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