Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
