We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We are two peas in an std pod
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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