Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize