I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize