All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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