dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
