If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
