When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's great music for shaving your balls
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Enjoy the penises
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
