normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize