I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
