So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
