I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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