I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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