I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
