I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
