I have demons in me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
