somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
