I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
