im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize