I faked an abortion last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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