the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
