I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
