There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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