he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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