my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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