well I can't set my house on fire every night
barbara walters just said penis...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He shit in the fireplace
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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