Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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