just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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