I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
