I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
