K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
