Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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