Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
