you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize