That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
