Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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